I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
