Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
