why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
