dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
