I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
