Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
worst night to have a conscience
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
