my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
