Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i may or may not be watching the land before time
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
