this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
