Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
