Already got asked if we're dating
farters have to be the big spoon...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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