You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
