So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
