totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
