just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
