No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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