All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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