i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
