At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
