Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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