She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
