I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize