dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
