You don't have asthma, your pregnant
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
it's great music for shaving your balls
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
