...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
