if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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