If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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