New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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