I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
