I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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