I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
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We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
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Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips