is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
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Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
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Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
You dont lie about slip and slides
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.