hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
All the doctor said was why
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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