I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.