also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
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Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
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Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it