can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?