I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
