I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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