A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
