i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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