Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
