do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
