Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
