I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
