im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize