after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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