Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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