i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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