Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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