i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We have started to decorate penises.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
