So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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