it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
