Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
