im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
