I will die if light touches me.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
