This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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