Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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