Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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