the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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