My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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