i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
