Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
