this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
