I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
