They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
