I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
