Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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