I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
