i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
