my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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