my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
