ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
