omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
