Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
