I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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