so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
