so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
