Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
